"If I had met you sooner, I could have loved you longer." These are words I've stolen from some great love song when I coo into Adam's ear, reminiscing about how we could have started this journey sooner. Adam typically reminds me that there are three amazing reasons why that would not work - we wouldn't have our children. And that - is just too big of a sacrifice for either of us to make. We adore our kids - heartbreaks, headaches, love, laughter, and all.

But I still remember that piece of paper I carry around in my current prayer journal. The one that reminds me to always write down my prayers and to never forget the power of the best conversation of all. The one with my maker, my God.

Let me give you a little back story ... 

During the time of Adam's Traumatic Brain Injury, I was in an unhealthy relationship - fighting my own battles. The relationship ended with my exiting the unfaithful home and starting a new life. I didn't think about how this was an amazing blessing in disguise. I took time to dive into healing myself and starting a new life as a single mom. Focused on raising my daughter Lulu. 

In July 2011, I wasn't ready to be the wife that Adam needed. God wasn't done working on me yet. I had clung to an unhealthy idea of a relationship out of wedlock. I settled for something God never intended for me. He was working on a masterpiece for me - one that would have to shatter in a million pieces to become worthy of me. And he was doing the same to me - breaking me to mold me back into a whole Raquel. One that decided to love herself despite past mistakes and physical flaws. One that could wake up every morning and say, "I'm gorgeous" (sometimes after a little blush and a whole lotta coffee). 

So on my journey - I decided on January 2012, that I needed to be VERY specific about the kind of man I wanted God to bring to my life. I asked him for something in my intro - a soulmate! I was bold, wasn't I? I didn't even know it. You see, back then my relationship with God was all about convenience and quiet. When convenient, I would be bold about my faith and otherwise it would remain quite. I was and have always been a Believer, a Christian. But I wasn't always walking the walk. It took a lot of shaky ground for this girl to become closer to her God. I certainly wish I'd been less stubborn, but God knows me better than I know myself. He knew I was way to independent and my own free will was going to help me learn some tough lessons. The biggest one: God is always in control, and he doesn't need your help, Raquel. The second biggest: Start being a Mary in a Martha world, Raquel. Busy isn't always productive and chasing after a career won't fill that void.

And so, you see, for me to be this bold was a big step. Unknowingly so (because I wasn't quite that deliberate), I was surrendering my wishes, hopes, and dreams about my love story to God. I was asking him and finally putting a specific list together about the kind of man I knew I deserved. I had 14 wish list items and God fulfilled 13 of them (the least important one was left out). When I met Adam, he had just moved from Texas to Arizona and was rooming with his Cousin Nick. He didn't have his own home. You'll find more about his journey in Adam's upcoming chapters. 

I believe leaving Adam being a little less than perfect was to humble me. Because I too was a little less than perfect, let's be honest. But in my eyes, Adam was the sun, the moon, and the stars.  :) He was the answer to a dream I once thought was gone. 

God used two broken lives to mend two broken hearts. He created beauty from ashes. How he did this, you'll soon find out. 

And so I continue to coo in Adam's ear, "But never forget Adam, that I prayed for You. I still do."

In the midst of my comma, I had powerful experiences with my Maker. The following account is one of several moments in Heaven. Many who read the below testimony will be touched - others will reject it in disbelief. 

Where am I? Have I died? How am I moving? Where’s my body? Am I a thought? Am I a mind? Am I a Soul? 

Suddenly there’s this calmness all around me. Through me. Before me. This is where I now call The Heart Room when I retell this experience. I hear His voice and know…..I bow down. He is my Lord. All I can say is “Hallelujah.” Suddenly, this word means All I ever need to say and want to say. “Arise,” My Lord says. His beauty is un-imaginable. His presence gives me life. The sound of His voice is my heart beat. Our soul in one. Patiently, and out of obedience, I humbly stand before My King. Out of reverence, I don’t speak. The anointing is everywhere. I feel it. I’m rejoicing inside. This is ‘That Moment’…… Christ says “Dad’s not through with you yet. There’s much greater responsibility that hasn't been revealed to you……..”  I was so captivated by His presence, I didn’t want to go back. I respond, “I don’t understand?” Christ says, “You have read and heard of great parables of Miracles. Greater Miracles than these you will do. You are God’s Son and I will be with you.”

Suddenly, Christ and I are standing in the midst of a spiritual battle. There is screaming, fighting, and the loud roars of battle. I see demonic beasts, demons, and creatures your mind can’t fathom all around us. I see mighty Angels, mighty Warriors, and heavenly beings at war with the enemy. The battle is violent, forcefully relentless at both ends; back and forth. There is no hesitation on both parts. I stand in the midst of war on our Kingdom. But I am not afraid, because Christ is with me. There are sounds of trumpets and battle cries. I see the demons and they see me. There’s a deep stare, as if we both know we will meet, but I see fear in their eyes. They know and see the power I’ve been given. As Christ and I walk through the battle, they shake and tremble.

I turn to Christ. He smiles and motions for me to look to my left. To my surprise, I see an enormous cage. In it are those hurting, trapped in bondage, enslaved to sin and lies from the enemy. They’re screaming for freedom. I look back to Christ and he nods yes! So I run to them. I look at the cage and see its magnificently heavy chains melted shut to the door. As I begin to think to break those chains free and the door to open - the door opens. The demons quickly look and move closer. I say, “You’re free!!!” A great deal of those inside receive freedom. I look to the others who’ve not received this and shout “Be Free. You are free.” But they hold on to the cage and grasp it even tighter than before. I lift the cage up and I’m now attempting to shake them loose. But this does nothing, they will not let go. I say “You are free!” Once again. One cries out, “I don’t want to go. If they see me, they will come again. I'm safer in the cage.”

I return to Christ. He looks at me and says, “Remember, those that want freedom will experience Freedom. Freedom is given to those who believe and obey. The ones that saw and heard you say “be Free” experienced freedom. Those that stayed believe the lies they are enslaved to. Yes, they saw others be free, but could not believe for themselves. They will never experience the fullness of God unless they believe. Man has been given free will to accept Allthat is good or selfishness. In the two is Light and darkness. No one can come to the Father but through me. I am the Light.”

“Dad’s not through with you yet. Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you Great and Hidden things that you have not known. Brother, go be fruitful and multiply.”