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Grab a cup of coffee and dive in. We pray that you find hope and truth in these posts. This blog is written from three perspectives.

p.s. if you're looking for perfection, you won't find it here. We are but two broken people, in a broken world - loving each other and our family. 

7/8/2017 Comments

Chapter three

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Something's wrong? My neck hurts. Whats going on? Nurse, stop! stop! stop! That doesn’t feel right. What are you doing? God, please have her quit. She's sticking a tube down my throat. I feel it in my chest.

I can’t move someone. Please anyone have her Stop! The nurse stops looks at me and says “Hello. We just need to make sure no water gets in your lungs. I know it hurts. We just have to make sure we vacuum any liquid." Later, I’ll learn the reason I can’t talk is because I have a Tracheotomy. There's a hole in my throat with a tube connected it to it that is allowing me to breath.

I lay there, glad it's over. But, are they going to do this everyday? Not cool God. What happened? Why am I here?
​
I hear voices, the lighting in the room hurts my eyes. I see the woman whom I've just recently learned is actually my Mom. Her arms are crossed. She’s listening to the doctor. I’m trying to listen? I can’t make out all the details, but Mom looks like she’s doing some solid, intense eye contact with the Doctor. They’re moving closer to me. Good…. The Doctor says, "He’s showing signs of brain activity. This is good. His body has suffered a great deal of trauma. However, if he makes it. His life will consist of a team of people helping him for the rest of his life, living in assisted-living facility. He suffered a major traumatic injury to the brain. Your going to need to decide what to do.” Wait. Stop. Hello? Are you saying I’m not going to make it? My God. I'm on life support. I suddenly hear her voice, "My son's strong. He’s going to make it. He’s a Fighter! He’s a believer. You keep him alive. My God will deliver him. I know what my God can do!"

Yep. She named me Adam. She’s one of those Bible people. Look at her she’s hurting, she’s all alone. This is to much for her. She walks over to the corner chair, sits, and begins to pray. She crying and pleading with God. She gets up and she’s pacing back in forth in the room. She’s pointing at me and telling my body to heal. She’s massaging my legs and arms. Wait. Wait. Is she …? … Yes. She’s singing. She’s singing to God?! How can she sing at time like this?!!


God, I can’t do this. You heard the Doctor. I can’t put this sweet lady through this. Please, it's not right. It's not right. God let me die. Please let me Die let me just slipway. This is too much for any person to see or go through. God, I don’t want to be bed-ridden for the rest of my life. I’ll never marry. Never have kids or contribute to society…What life is that? Or worse yet, I'll have people aid me for the rest of my life. No Mom deserves to live and go through what she’s going through.



God help her and give her peace in knowing that its ok; to let go of her boy. I'm ok with it. Take me Lord. Please, I beg you. I know you hear my thoughts and know my heart. Just please. I can’t lay here and see this beautiful woman hurt. Please. Please. Please, God.
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    Author

    Raquel Gonzales (Kels) - Raquel is a 38-year-old wife of an amazing man, and mother of three beautiful blended teenagers (Elijah 20, Lulu 18, Abby 16). She has thrived in a creative career for over 11 years. Her passion is to empower others by the lessons learned in her own life and challenges through transparency and honest conversations. As a creative soul, she loves to write, design, create and publish. She hopes to please God in doing his work by leveraging the talents he gave her. This blog is but one of those digital artisan crafts. She hope it pleases Him. 

    Adam Gonzales (AG) - Adam is an 44-year-old  husband and father of three beautiful blended young adults (Elijah 21, Lulu 19, Abby 17).  He felt called back to the ministry during 2017 and has been serving as a leader in the Men's Ministry at Cornerstone Christian Fellowship since. Raquel refers to him as a "soul on fire for building up leaders in Christ." He has devoted over 12 years to growth ministry work and has over 16 years of corporate leadership experience. He's completely focused on ministry work in this season of his life and obediently following God where He leads Adam. In addition to ministry, Adam helps local homeowners advocate for their roofing needs. His transparency about his life journey and deliverance is in hopes that witnesses are compelled by the Truth, that there is always Hope in Christ. And that no battle - no matter how impossible - is ever over until God says so. That He has, ultimately, won the biggest battle of All - and we can find hope in that future. Whether he's guiding someone as a shepherd or a roofing expert, he sees everyday opportunities to spread hope. 

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