"If I had met you sooner, I could have loved you longer." These are words I've stolen from some great love song when I coo into Adam's ear, reminiscing about how we could have started this journey sooner. Adam typically reminds me that there are three amazing reasons why that would not work - we wouldn't have our children. And that - is just too big of a sacrifice for either of us to make. We adore our kids - heartbreaks, headaches, love, laughter, and all.
But I still remember that piece of paper I carry around in my current prayer journal. The one that reminds me to always write down my prayers and to never forget the power of the best conversation of all. The one with my maker, my God.
Let me give you a little back story ...
During the time of Adam's Traumatic Brain Injury, I was in an unhealthy relationship - fighting my own battles. The relationship ended with my exiting the unfaithful home and starting a new life. I didn't think about how this was an amazing blessing in disguise. I took time to dive into healing myself and starting a new life as a single mom. Focused on raising my daughter Lulu.
In July 2011, I wasn't ready to be the wife that Adam needed. God wasn't done working on me yet. I had clung to an unhealthy idea of a relationship out of wedlock. I settled for something God never intended for me. He was working on a masterpiece for me - one that would have to shatter in a million pieces to become worthy of me. And he was doing the same to me - breaking me to mold me back into a whole Raquel. One that decided to love herself despite past mistakes and physical flaws. One that could wake up every morning and say, "I'm gorgeous" (sometimes after a little blush and a whole lotta coffee).
So on my journey - I decided on January 2012, that I needed to be VERY specific about the kind of man I wanted God to bring to my life. I asked him for something in my intro - a soulmate! I was bold, wasn't I? I didn't even know it. You see, back then my relationship with God was all about convenience and quiet. When convenient, I would be bold about my faith and otherwise it would remain quite. I was and have always been a Believer, a Christian. But I wasn't always walking the walk. It took a lot of shaky ground for this girl to become closer to her God. I certainly wish I'd been less stubborn, but God knows me better than I know myself. He knew I was way to independent and my own free will was going to help me learn some tough lessons. The biggest one: God is always in control, and he doesn't need your help, Raquel. The second biggest: Start being a Mary in a Martha world, Raquel. Busy isn't always productive and chasing after a career won't fill that void.
And so, you see, for me to be this bold was a big step. Unknowingly so (because I wasn't quite that deliberate), I was surrendering my wishes, hopes, and dreams about my love story to God. I was asking him and finally putting a specific list together about the kind of man I knew I deserved. I had 14 wish list items and God fulfilled 13 of them (the least important one was left out). When I met Adam, he had just moved from Texas to Arizona and was rooming with his Cousin Nick. He didn't have his own home. You'll find more about his journey in Adam's upcoming chapters.
I believe leaving Adam being a little less than perfect was to humble me. Because I too was a little less than perfect, let's be honest. But in my eyes, Adam was the sun, the moon, and the stars. :) He was the answer to a dream I once thought was gone.
God used two broken lives to mend two broken hearts. He created beauty from ashes. How he did this, you'll soon find out.
And so I continue to coo in Adam's ear, "But never forget Adam, that I prayed for You. I still do."
Raquel Gonzales (Kels) - Raquel is a 36-year-old wife of an amazing man, and mother of three beautiful blended teenagers (Elijah 18, Lulu 16, Abby 14). She has thrived in a creative career for over 11 years. Her passion is to empower others by the lessons learned in her own life and challenges through transparency and honest conversations. As a creative soul, she loves to write, design, create and publish. She hopes to please God in doing his work by leveraging the talents he gave her. This blog is but one of those digital artisan crafts. She hope it pleases Him.